Britain to crack down on knife crime

Camilla Batmanghelidjh...
The knife in the upper left looks like a batarang...

COINCIDENCE???

I think not!

Human Beings are in Evolution. Soon only civilized people will be eating dinner with their fingers and not like those Neanderthals who use forks and knives.

Following a rash of strangulation deaths, authorities promised a crackdown on anyone carrying hands.

"There is no reason for anyone to use hands; certainly, opposable thumbs are a grave threat to public safety and will no longer be tolerated" said police authorities, who warned that there would be no more warnings, but instead, a stern "talking to" would be dealt to violators.

"It is necessary to pass reasonable laws to deal with hand to hand violence," Mary Clap of of the Society for the Prevention of Angry Naughty Killings (SPANK). "Only those with evil intent will keep fully functional hands on hand. The inability to use current technology, which can be easily modified to adapt to stubs or at least the lack of thumbs, is a small price to pay for the children."

Critics, however, noted that such a ban was only a stopgap measure, and noted that what was really needed was attention paid to the underlying cause of hand violence: the arts, which encourages applause; pattycake, and most aggregious, martial arts movies.

Well, in Kansas a guy was just arrested for
stabbing someone with a toilet plunger handle.

When they outlaw toilet plungers, only outlaws will have unplugged toilets...

the picture caption claims those blades were confiscated from "youths in London" --- i presume street thugs. which is kind of impressive, actually; walking around with a concealed machete down your pants leg can't be an easy trick to learn.

I can't decide whether idiots like Mr. Brown are stupid or evil. Their goal seems to be for people to not have even the most basic tools. That is, tools which apes started using more than 200000 years ago. I would have to say they are stupid in not seeing the futility of such an effort. On the other hand, the ends to which they will have to go to achieve their goal will yield true evil.

Has anyone been charged with "carrying a concealed rock" yet?

That's odd, the headline mentions 'knives' but the first two references are "knives and guns". Do you think the press or the police would stoop so low as to use subliminal messages?

I can't decide whether idiots like Mr. Brown are stupid or evil

The two are not mutually exclusive.

Hey, you can kill with a Stanley craft knife with a 7/8 inch blade...or a plain single edge razor blade...or just a rock. Let's ban the Human Hand, cuz lots of people are choked/strangled barehanded every year...cricket bats...hockey sticks...bowling pins...cars...where you gonna stop?

Perhaps someone should tell the British that even prisoners in supermax prisons have weapons. The only way to stop it is to outlaw human ingenuity. Oh wait, that may be their ultimate goal.

Let's just hope Brown never watches re-runs of McGyver or everything will be outlawed.

I wonder when it will occur to the average British citizen that the logical endpoint of the current weapons law game will mean they can be arrested for any reason at all. "He looked like a trouble maker" will be the only charge they need.

You might enjoy reading Harrison Bergeron by Kurt Vonnegut. You'll have to google it up for yourself because the spam filter here is for shit David.

"THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren't only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way."

Um, am I going nuts, or is there a hair comb in that photo of confiscated weapons? Lower center.

No and yes. No, you're not going nuts (as far as I can tell anyway) and yes that's a comb. It conceals the blade to its immediate right.