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« Brady Campaign must be gobbling antidepressants like jelly beans | Main | ATF PR sends a memo to field agents »

Sudden insight into terrorism

Posted by David Hardy · 5 March 2011 07:29 PM

I just realized ... what do almost all terrorists have in common?

2001: Mohamed Atta, a/k/a Muḥammad Muḥammad al-Āmir ‘Awaḍ as-Sayyid leads the 9/11 hijackings and mass murders. His fellow conspirators included Abdulaziz al-Omari , Satam Suqami, Abdulaziz Alomari, Nawaf Alhazmi, and Abdulaziz al-Omari.

2003: Abdullah el-Faisal is convicted in Britain on charges of soliciting the murder of Americans, Jews, and Hindus.

2009: Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab tries to destroy an aircraft with a bomb in his underwear.

2009: Nidal Malik Hasan murders 13 servicemen at Fort Hood. He previously consulted Anwar al-Awlaki.

2009: Talib Islam attempts to set off a truck bomb in Springfield, Illinois.

2010: Faisal Shahzad tries to set off a car bomb in Times Square.

2010: Roshonara Choudhry is arrested in Britain after stabbing a former cabinet minister.

2011: Arid Uka kills two American servicemen at the Frankfurt airport.

What do they all have in common? It's obvious -- they all have really funny names. Once that is understood, we can see how to focus on the dangerous folks without ethnic profiling. Iqubal Farouki -- enhanced screening. John Smith -- step aboard, sir. Wackford Squeers -- pat down, even tho he is a Dickens character. Sgt. Max Fightmaster ,,, he boards, because we have to exclude really cool funny names.

9 Comments | Leave a comment

Rich | March 6, 2011 7:35 AM | Reply

The problem I see is that the TSA will get it reversed and really cool names like Sgt. Max Fightmaster will have the problem and names like Iqubal Farouki will be okay because the TSA is someone from the sub-continent and that name is normal.

Letalis Maximus, Esq. | March 6, 2011 7:51 AM | Reply

Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols.

Just saying.

chuck | March 6, 2011 10:13 AM | Reply

We must consider the statistical significance of the sample size.

Dave wins.

I must agree with Rich however. If all of our screeners have funny names, we may find that Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Jay, James Madison and Alexander Hamilton are funny names to the screeners.

Just Sayin!

Guav | March 7, 2011 10:13 AM | Reply

If you were running security, Richard Reid—the reason we all have to take off our damn shoes now—would have just been waved right onto the plane along with Jared Loughner, Scott Roeder, James VonBrunn, Earl Krugal, Andrew Stack, Tim McVeigh, Eric Rudolph and Robert Manning.

Not sure I back your strategy :)

Brian | March 7, 2011 11:39 AM | Reply

If I was running security, planes might get blown up, but they would never get hijacked because there would be a 1911 on the back of every seat next to the $5/min Airfone

Guav | March 7, 2011 12:13 PM | Reply

Well Brian, then I think we can all give a sigh of relief that you're NOT running security, since most hijackings do not result in fatalities and are far preferable to planes blowing up.

Chuck | March 7, 2011 7:26 PM | Reply

Guav,

You mean hijacking prior to September 11, 2001 do not result in fatalities. The rules have changed.

We have two choices. Every one fly naked, or, as per Brian, every one flies armed.

Just Sayin!

Anonymous | March 7, 2011 7:28 PM | Reply

Guav...that's a funny name.

Outraged citizen | March 26, 2011 8:51 PM | Reply

I know this is old - I don't care.

My wife and her grown daughter just flew almost coast-to-coast on a non-stop flight.

They - attractive females of obvious European descent - entered the "security" line a bit behind a group in full "muslim" dress including two in veils and one - alleged - female in a burqa-like garment.

Those whose faces could not be seen breezed right through, after which my Ladies' documents were examined with a magnifying glass and careful comparison of photos. The "guard" even commented on the girl's change in hair-color.

How is it remotely possible to know who - or even WHAT - was under those "veils"?

But it gets better...

Both of my Ladies were "randomly selected" to pose for the "virtual pron" producers, while the entire crew of muslims - including the aforementioned jawas - breezed right through, unmolested.

Now, granted: If I were running the virtual-pron machine, I'd sure rather see my wife nekkid than any jawa -- she's a hot little m-y-l-f if I do say so myself -- but is that supposed to be the criteria for their "random selection"??!

Both had previously rolled their eyes at my outrage over the idiotic, useless tyranny embodied by the TSA -- but they both get it now.

For that, I suppose I should be thankful, huh?

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