An old joke
Just remembered something I circulated when I worked at Interior, representing Fish & Wildlife Service, which had a captive breeding project for condors. It got all the way up to Secretary Hodel, whom I'm told almost fell out of his chair laughing. It was a handwritten note, with the pen held clenched in my fist to make it look "crackpot." It read:
PLEASE PLEASE PEASE HELP ME.
I AM BEING HELD IN A GOVERNMENT LABORATORY, AND FORCED TO PERFORM SEX ACTS WHILE GOVERNMENT SCIENTISTS MAKE NOTES AND TAKE PICTURES.
PLEASE DO NOT THINK THIS IS A CRANK LETTER
A CALIFORNA CONDOR